10 years...what the paper anniversary?
so tonight i realized on that really long stretch home from jasen's to my house...that this marks the 10th year of my parents divorce...and you know what i got them?
a big fat bill from therapy.
yes..yes it's true. i am totally 100% normal. i pay my shrink to tell me this. kidding.
i don't pay him to tell me...he just does. he also tells me it hurts when i pinch him.
ok. enough with the crass humor. i do not have a shrink.
yet.
an amazing friend of mine...and probably one of my top 10 favorite people on this earth...holly sharp...was so kind to lend me a listening ear before we left for nyc. in a nutshell...the basis of our conversion is to prove once and for all if i'm bipolar. i'm not. whew.
but i do have "issues" to deal with. but then again in some fashion...who doesn't?
now, 10 years later suppressed emotions are resurfacing...and i haven't known why. and i believe this markable moment in my life, has deeper scares then i could, or anyone could have imagined.
and i think "well how could that be?" see in our family we don't like to talk about things. and we don't. and i don't.
and then i begin dating a guy who makes me talk about these things...and then i post them on the internet. that's progress right?
to think what i would be like if my parents stayed together...man i would kick as..uh butt...i would have no deep emotional scares to resurface. and life would be perfect...
whether your parents are divorced or together they have their share of problems. and i am sure your story is worse than mine. but if your families are still together. thank god for that. never take it for granted. and when you have children...be true to them. talk with them. love them.
jase and i saw garden state. most excellent movie. and at the end i was weeping...surprise...surprise...but seriously...the movie's synopsis was all too familiar for me. and to steal the quote from nikki's blog...
"you know that point in your life where you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home any more? the idea of home is gone. maybe that's all family really is. a group of people who miss the same imaginary place."
where i pay rent is where i live. but is there love there? is it my home? my dad's house is not my home...my mom's is not my home. so if i needed to run away from life and seek shelter from this angry world...you know where i would go?
dan and becky skipper. they are my family. and the household i truly feel loved and accepted for the woman i am now.
i am thankful for them.
see my life worked out ok.
a big fat bill from therapy.
yes..yes it's true. i am totally 100% normal. i pay my shrink to tell me this. kidding.
i don't pay him to tell me...he just does. he also tells me it hurts when i pinch him.
ok. enough with the crass humor. i do not have a shrink.
yet.
an amazing friend of mine...and probably one of my top 10 favorite people on this earth...holly sharp...was so kind to lend me a listening ear before we left for nyc. in a nutshell...the basis of our conversion is to prove once and for all if i'm bipolar. i'm not. whew.
but i do have "issues" to deal with. but then again in some fashion...who doesn't?
now, 10 years later suppressed emotions are resurfacing...and i haven't known why. and i believe this markable moment in my life, has deeper scares then i could, or anyone could have imagined.
and i think "well how could that be?" see in our family we don't like to talk about things. and we don't. and i don't.
and then i begin dating a guy who makes me talk about these things...and then i post them on the internet. that's progress right?
to think what i would be like if my parents stayed together...man i would kick as..uh butt...i would have no deep emotional scares to resurface. and life would be perfect...
whether your parents are divorced or together they have their share of problems. and i am sure your story is worse than mine. but if your families are still together. thank god for that. never take it for granted. and when you have children...be true to them. talk with them. love them.
jase and i saw garden state. most excellent movie. and at the end i was weeping...surprise...surprise...but seriously...the movie's synopsis was all too familiar for me. and to steal the quote from nikki's blog...
"you know that point in your life where you realize the house you grew up in isn't really your home any more? the idea of home is gone. maybe that's all family really is. a group of people who miss the same imaginary place."
where i pay rent is where i live. but is there love there? is it my home? my dad's house is not my home...my mom's is not my home. so if i needed to run away from life and seek shelter from this angry world...you know where i would go?
dan and becky skipper. they are my family. and the household i truly feel loved and accepted for the woman i am now.
i am thankful for them.
see my life worked out ok.
it's funny...i got up this morning and convinced myself to remove this post. i thought "wow...this is way to personal...and expressive for me to share." but ben...i am so glad you commented because it is GOOD for me to express my thoughts, my emotions...and i am ok. there are people who feel the same way i do.
and that's a good thing.
so thank you ben...my hottie little brother...whom i love and cherish. you are what makes family to me...and by now...i believe our hesperia blood runs together.
Posted by
aca |
7:41 AM
Thank you for sharing from your heart... it's hardly ever easy, but 'tis good...
Posted by
Danae |
1:31 PM
I'll agree with what has already been said, thanks for sharing. My parents have been divorced for 14 years and I'm still trying to re-establish that relationship I once had with my dad. Now I face another trial. My mom has been remarried for just over 12 years and now she's confronted with another possible divorce. I pray it doesn't happen, that we don't have to go down this road again where this man who is now my second dad leaves. I want my brother to grow up with a solid family. He's 10, the same age I was when my parents split. Now I've spilled more than I wanted to but I thought I'd share my heart. I love you Amanda and hope to see you soon.
Posted by
Alyzzle |
2:13 PM